Rewards

So it turns out I'm still not amazing at this blog thing. But I figured out its not because im not an amazingly interesting, handsome, and intelligent individual who can come up with the best blog with picture ideas. Its simply because im too lazy to draw the detailed images! So imma try somthin' new #newstrategy

#makinghashtagshappenineverysituation

#toolong

#loljksimjustlazy

...but the point is I thought I'd try out this new fangled idea of doing blog entries without pictures! I know, I know, it's an insane I but bare with, because I think that this may just work.

So with that out of the way I should go back to the title of the entry, which I actually had half drawn pictures of (look forward to these in the future!). I've noticed that I have this habit of celebrating and rewarding myself for even the tiniest of achievements. The extent of this actually hit me when I gave a presentation to people and half way through, I gave myself a little clap and cheered in my head for getting that far. Needless to say no one else was clapping...

I think this all comes back to early school days where we were encouraged to pat ourselves on the back whenever did something good. But its a slippery slope guys, with a steep incline...

See, I like to see rewards and filling an ever depleting health bar. One moment those pats fill your rewards bar, but then they just don't cut it. You start clapping for yourself, then the cheers come. Next thing you know, you're at rock bottom stealing from houses and selling yourself so you can get enough money for that canned applause machine with those mega sized speakers.

... ok that last point may have been slightly exaggerated.

Being ill

So I've had an amazing summer! Ticked a few things off my bucket list by travelling round Belgium and ending with a trip to Paris. All refreshed and recharged, I started my law course ready to learn and be the super student I was always too lazy to become.

Part of what made me so sure of my energy levels was that I was certain I would not get ill at all. I mean, there was no chance I'd be going to the hospitals, and since my course is post-grad I could avoid the undergrads and their dreaded 'fresher's flu'. Or so I thought.

I clearly underestimated the sneakiness of this illness. Was it the first year I foolishly sat next to on the bus? Or maybe the part time coffee shop worker handing me my change in a germ filled hand? Perhaps an undergrad snuck into one of my lectures beforehand, coughed and then left, laughing manically and they exited. Most likely it is all of the above.

Whatever the cause I now lie here, intermittently sweating and shivering.  Doomed the sit and watch my tv shows all day.

My destiny is clearly not to be a super student. So I'll sit solemnly and eat junk food whilst watching "real housewives" : (

Procrastination without the fun

Urgh

So I've recently finished my last written exam for this semester, and now I've started this special project where I need to write a massive report and do a presentation at the end. But I have quite a long time to do this, and I don't actually have to go in to do doctor stuff that much this time. Really I should be mega productive with my time in the day so I can rest and relax in the night. I mean, I've been given the chance to do this, so why not? How hard could it be to do all my work in the week so I have my weekends free?

Unfortunately, I have developed procrastinitis; I am now a master of procrastination and avoiding work at all costs. But I'm really not enjoying it! I feel awful every time I find myself not doing work, but at the same time I really can't bring myself to even want to work. The result of this is that I end up wasting my time doing fun things but feeling so guilty throughout the activity that I'm not actually having any fun. Which leads me to doing more fun stuff to relieve the stress of feeling guilty, making me more guilty, and the cycle continues.

It's actually gotten to the point where even normal, mundane activities make me feel guilty because they eat even further into the time where I should be working

I have no idea how to handle this, normally it just fizzles out as a working frenzy begins when the deadline approaches. But the deadline is so far! I care so little and I feel terrible about it. One possible tactic I'm exploring is playing medicine themed games, which is like a combination of fun and work right?.. Right?